don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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