i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
