9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
