Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
