thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
