nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
