I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And then my night got REAL pukey
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
