i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
