Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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