if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
