oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
