I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
