Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
