today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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