Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Randomize
