Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
