I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
