dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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