Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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