So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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