A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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