Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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