Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
