Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
