i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
