I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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