what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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