dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
