It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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