So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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