Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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