Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
