So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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