You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
