He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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