Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
