You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
