Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
