two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
