Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
