I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
