why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
