If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
