i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
