Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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