sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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