did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
