He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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