I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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