Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
