really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
