I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
