So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
time to smoke my breakfast
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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